Just As I Am

This wannabe writer is still alive. :) In fact, I'm writing things almost daily for my Junior year of high school. One more year left! But I digress.....that's one of my new favorite sayings. :) My 11th grade year is going wonderfully and we're all gradually creating a productive routine for our home and family. To quote Mum,"Being in God's will is the sweetest place to be."

The Lord has really been growing me alot lately and though some of this growth is very humbling and difficult, I know He is bringing me closer to Him and revealing more of Himself daily. One of the things I believe I have overcome, solely by God's grace, is a small facet of my fear of man. I now realize that I am God's daughter, am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am content with who the Lord has placed in my life. From the time I was ten or eleven until fourteen/fifteen, I constantly craved my friends' approval. Oftentimes I was also discontent with the friends the Lord had given me at that time. I thought friends were the end all be all of life and that I needed certain people to be my friends, or a huge circle of them. The Lord has broken that bond of fear of man and now I rest in Him and crave, not human companionship, but God's companionship. I don't desire to change to please others-peers, family members, etc. My heart's desire is to please the Lord in all that I do and for Him to continually mold and shape me into a woman after His own heart. I am totally comfortable with how I am......and people can take me just as I am. Below is the chorus to one of my favorite hymns:

Just as I am, without one plea,

but that thy blood was shed for me

and that Thou bidst me come to Thee,

O Lamb of God,O Lamb of God,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Many of you know quite a few things about me....and love me anyway. :) True friends are those who accept and love you for who you are-idiosyncrasies included. :) So...here are some things about me that I know many of you will not be surprised at but are simply who I am. (Ella, I'm sort of bouncing off of you here. :) )

1. I have a painful hip condition/hip disability that limits my activity and causes me pain. I need to use a cane because of it. Just recently I've become more comfortable telling people this when they ask why I walk with a cane. Or telling people I can't do things because of my disability. The latter, especially, has been a struggle but allows me to lean on the Lord as my strength.
2. Our family believes that the females in our family wear skirts and/or dresses. Many people have misunderstood why we wear skirts and are actually offended by it. When we wear skirts, we are not automatically judging people who do not! The Lord does not have a cookie-cutter plan for the attire of all females. He leads every individual person and family in different ways and this, our skirts/dresses, is how He has led our family.
3. After praying about if since I've started high-school, I've felt the Lord leading me to stay at home during my "single" years in between high school graduation and marriage. To quote my Mum, again, "Being in God's will is the sweetest place to be." And this is where I feel God's will is for me. No if's and's or but's about it. I plan on working from/out of the home and assisting my dear mother in homeschooling and taking care of the home in preparation for marriage and my own family.
4. I have very romantic tendencies. :) Yeah, you all are probably thinking (with a wry chuckle or two), "Nooo...you don't say?" :) I 'aww' at the 'sappy' stuff in movies and sigh at 'Look back at me' (North and South) and when Frank Sinatra croons "Moonlight Serenade" or "Bewitched." :) Recently, however, I realized I was beginning to build up false, fictional expectations of courtship, marriage and the like. Not to mention I began to ponder, "Hmm...I wonder if he could be the one." I had to throw up a red stop sign right there! :) True love is based on the common, strong bond, of God's love-not emotions or flighty feelings. A friend of mine is getting married soon and recently I talked to her and almost every word she spoke about how her relationship and wedding preparations had come about is totally God. It's so much different-and BETTER-than a romance novel. God has truly worked out everything for His glory and the furthering of His will in their lives. Sometimes I get the chills thinking about her betrothal and impending marriage. :) And then I think, "What God has for me was pre-destined and designed for me and will be even better than any romance novel!"
5. I struggle with pride in multiple areas and daily...nope, hourly, have to throw my pride and my 'rights' down at the cross. God is growing me, but the humbling process is bittersweet.
6. I tend to be more of a 'Martha' more than a 'Mary.' I believe there is a healthy balance between the two...but, like my pride, I need to throw my Martha-ness away and sit at the feet of Jesus more than I stand on my own understanding and 'be productive.' Productivity is a good thing...but as with anything else...only in moderation.
7. To move on to slightly more 'frivolous' topics...I love to crochet and work with my hands. A needle and embroidery thread, soft, fuzzy yarn and my ergonomically correct crochet hook, even sewing on the machine and feeling the unique textures of the fabrics. As many of you know, I take my crocheting many places but have had to use discretion as to where. I have to think sometimes...I should be sociable, walking around, mingling, etc. Other times, say, if we're watching a movie, I'll take out my crocheting and merrily stitch and talk away.
8. One of my 'little-girl' tendencies I occasionally indulge in: swinging!! (Oh my dear goodness that's not an excessively flattering picture; I look like a ghost! At least my dress is nice and my legs are covered. :) ) Swinging and occasionally taking out my dear dolls and dressing them up and putting them away again.....two of my girlish, whimsical activities.

I do take a long time coming to a point....but here it is: I encourage all of you to live for Jesus-not man. Don't care what anybody else thinks. Follow the Lord's leading-not your peers or society. And allow the Lord to peel away the layers and mold and shape you into the girl/woman He wants you to be. My prayer has been this, lately: Here I am, Lord. Mold me. Use me. Send me. Just as I am.

Soli Deo Gloria!