I killed Mr. Collins!

And then Mr. Elton! :) Seriously! I married-oh dear oh dear-four times (twice to the same man) before getting to a GOOD marriage. :) Prepare to be appalled, dear readers. Prepare yourself for something dreadful in the following words.


I am totally finished with my Lost in Austen mission......which was to get married, obviously. :) The reader becomes Elizabeth Bennet and she has to choose the right paths (literally!) and the right things to say, etc. It was challenging keeping up with those scores but it was worth it! I was quite, quite happy with who I, as Elizabeth, ended up with. :) Keep guessing. You will not know until the end of this post. Hee hee hee!


Since this was my first time doing this book, I confess, I had to backtrack one or two choices a few times......first, about five minutes into the book, I found myself (as in Emma) being attacked by Gypsies because I didn't have enough coins on me. Then I was disfigured by said gypsies and could never get a husband. The end. :) And all because I took the left path instead of the right (in both senses of the word!) path.


I found myself married multiple times before 'rewinding' and going back a few choices. :) It might be considered cheating, but I was more curious to see what the odd sounding paths would turn out like than following the rather obvious scene set before me. :)



Second, I found myself eloping with Mr. Wickam. Simply dreadful! After the Mr. Collins incident of mine that follows, I actually met Wickam again in this book by 'going public' with news of his scandalous behavior and money-swindling. He came to me with ardent professions of his repentance and changed heart. He gave the appearance of a full turn around and confessed to love me.....so instead of refusing him (duh!) I, er, Elizabeth, gave him the benefit of a doubt and married him. Then he got two-faced on me AGAIN and said he had only wanted to marry me to make my life miserable because I 'went public' with his story. The end. :)


Backtrack a little now........only one choice or two......


I ended up marrying Mr. Collins because it was my 'duty to my family' and I, playing Elizabeth Bennet, felt a strong sense of duty and honor.......yeah, well, I got so fed up with Mr. Collins after a few months of marriage that when he came in one day, I screamed and threw Fordyce's Sermons at his head and killed him to relieve my absolute agony over being his wife. How's that for dramatic?!


Backtrack a LEETLE more to kick Mr. Collins to the curb.....ah, here we are. :)


Because of my ardent love for walking in the out of doors, I decided to go and visit on a walk. Instead of going to my Aunt Phillip's house (which in turn obviously would've taken me on a trip with them and visit Pemberley, yada yada yada...) I chose to go to the Lucases. Thus, I began the Emma storyline. :) As Elizabeth Bennet, mind you. It just so happened that a common acquaintance of the Bennets and Lucases was visiting. His name was Mr. Knightley.......

Yes, yes......lots of fortune points......confidence points, et cetera, et cetera....very nice but rather too chastising of me...oh well! Enter Frank Churchill and I entertained no thoughts of Mr. Knightley at present........

Hmm, let's see. Ah yes, the next incident of my foolhardy judgement. Instead of going with the Westons on a picnic, I chose to be escorted by Mr. Bennet (my father) to a dinner at the Woodhouse estate-since obviously Mr. Bennet and Mr. Woodhouse were old and dear friends. :) I then met Emma....she snubbed me, however, because I asked how much she paid for her drawing pencils. All because I was Nouvae (sp?) Riche. Hmph! I can't help it if I'm honest! Anyway, by snubbing me she also punished me by handing me over to an overly-pretentious and peculiar (got a song in your head yet, Michaela and Morgan?) clergyman named Mr. Elton. He abruptly shifted his attentions over to me, instead of Emma, talking my ears off and becoming my shadow. Oh, my shadow and the punch-bowl's shadow. At the end of the night he pleaded dramatically to escort me home or some such thing, and when I was in my carriage, he walked in front of the horses and carriage, raving about quite madly because I had to go away. Thus, the horses trampled him and he was killed. I was then sent to jail because of inadvertently killing him.


Whew! Now, my dear readers, may I ask........"Are you....are you, laughing at me?" Whether your answer be a yes, or no........"Well then are you rejecting me?" I certainly hope not the latter! :) (Dani and Lane, are you howling yet?)


Oh goodness me.....I backtracked to the Westons' picnic where I insulted Miss Bates and was harshly reproved by a caring and concerned Mr. Knightley (he spoke the truth!).....I lost A LOT of confidence, intelligence and fortune points for that boo-boo. So I then fancied myself in love with Frank Churchill-telling Jane that I felt listless, tired without him around.....phooey. Even Jane could've figured out that it was mere fanciful thinking. I had to go along with it. :) Then, oh, scandal of scandals! Jane Fairfax and Frank Churchill have been secretly engaged for over six months! I felt sorry for Maria Lucas (a companion of mine on the trip to the Westons) who, I believed, had been 'in love' (I use that term loosely) with Mr. Churchill. Maria is the 'Harriet' character in this story-line. She then informs me that it was Mr. Knightley she had begun to care for all the time.


Naturally I was upset. I went walking one day and met Mr. Knightley.......we talked and he comforted me. Thinking that I had been in love and in turn wounded, by Frank Churchill. I assure him there was no possible way of being ever in love with Mr. Churchill. I had fancied myself but realized that I had merely enjoyed his attention and flirtations. Mr. Knightley begins to declare his love for me........then, I have to tally up my intelligence points. That was a pain even with a calculator. :) If over 400, proceed to page ____. If under 400, proceed to page ____. If I had a sudden inclination to refuse the dear man, proceed to page ____. :) My intelligence points for some weird reason, (maybe my sleepy brain didn't type in the right numbers) those points were in the negative numbers. Whoops! It still counted under 400 so I hoped for the best......


And then BOOM! I married Mr. Knightley. I completed the mission by marrying well. Congratulate me, dear friends.....oh fine, since your mouths are hanging open and/or laughing, I'll do it for myself.......Hallelujah! And I'm partial to types like Mr. Knightley. :) Sara was aghast I didn't cheat and try and get back to Mr. Darcy. Hmph, well, for me, not Elizabeth, I prefer Mr. Knightley and Edward Ferras types. :) Surprisingly I didn't meet anyone from Sense and Sensibility. Oh well. Maybe another time around.


I had so much fun doing this book!!! I laughed uproariously through it and only a few times bemoaned my horrible fortune. :) If you're an avid Jane Austen fan, go and borrow it from your library. It is SO much fun! If you want a better idea about what this book is about, go here for a wonderful review on it. :)


Now please, please don't faint.........it is thoroughly enjoyable even if you DON'T marry Mr. Darcy. :)


"Are you laughing at me?"